New exhibit at the MOMA.
Who let this breaded freak into my platoon?
Bahmoan…it’s damn good to see ya! We could use a soldier like you round these parts.
Chile, 18:56pm (Reuters) - An apparently “beefed up” Bahmoan was used in a dramatic rescue situation last night. 33 Chilean miners had been trapped 2300 feet underground for almost 3 months. In that time, Bahmoan was fed a highly caloric diet of yeast and oats. His beefed up structure was needed to barrel into the tough rock. Authorities were quick to point out that Bahmoan was the only solution in this time of great crisis, as his special seeds have a natural ability to slide into the earth, and also provide structural support to avoid another mine shaft collapse.
Onlookers, though, were mortified at the sight of the masked bread. One little girl vomited, just as another elderly woman fainted. They had no idea who Bahmoan was, or how a piece of French bread could communicate with humans. “Por lo que es solo un pedazo de pan?” one onlooker queried. Once officials explained who Bahmoan was and what he did, all were in agreement. Some could even be heard chanting the loaf’s name as the final miners were extracted from the earth.
When asked if he was a hero, Mr. Bahmoan casually replied, “…what?” The superloaf typically deflects all praise in situations of crisis. He has been noted in historical circles as the “Savior of the Union” and “The Torch of Liberty”. But in most cases, he simply prefers the title “Mr.”
Truly a hero, often misunderstood, and never eloquent. Mr. Bahmoan is the enigmatic hero of our times.